As a dear brother always says… behind every man or woman, there is a story.
It is not my intention to talk much about myself on this blog but I find it worth sharing my testimony, as this is what inspired this blog.
In His mercy, Christ delivered me from the power of sin and death and brought me into His kingdom of light. And that’s the good news of the Gospel. Now, how did this manifest? He pulled me out from the mire of the occult and restored me from emotional and spiritual abuse. So I’ll share my story.
My Background
I grew up in a catholic family, but Catholicism was more a label or tradition than a true devotion. I had to go through catechism and attend the children & youth Saturday evening services, while my parents barely even went to church themselves. Reaching my teenage years, Catholicism didn’t mean anything to me and I eventually despised it. It was more a set of rules, which parents and grandparents ensured to (forcefully) pass on, likely more for tradition or for the sake of keeping appearances in the village. In their generation, you couldn’t marry a protestant (Reformed) if you were catholic and vice versa.
Growing up, family life was becoming tense. Even though we had everything -house, food, clothes, education, holidays… there was a certain loneliness, emotional neglect, and cyclic mental oppression. Tensions could go high, and the atmosphere, even a silence could at times feel oppressive. One of my parents was bipolar, the other was completely emotionally absent.
At about 13-14 years old, I was bullied at school. It was a very lonely and painful experience. I couldn’t even tell my parents as there was very little communication, I didn’t think they would care or support me. One day this was “all over” but it did leave a scar of insecurity and rejection within.
Astrology
As I grew in my teenage years I had increasing anxiety, oppression in my thoughts, fear of rejection, and poor self-esteem. I used to ask myself existential questions, I was searching for a meaning to life and an identity.
To add to this, I developed wrong relationships which I often time depended upon. It seemed I was looking for attention and affection elsewhere, the one I never had at home, to the point of having a co-dependency issue.
I knew something wasn’t right and I desperately needed guidance and answers. I needed something to hold on to and astrology seemed to do it for me. It had started with reading the small astrology sections at the back of magazines or hearing about star signs on the radio. But it seriously started when I found a book about my star sign on my father’s bookshelf. And now this book had become my Bible…
I became so hooked up, introspecting myself through my star sign and defining my identity. I was determined that by discovering myself through the stars, I could find out the purpose in my life, what I was born to do, etc.
It was a never-ending circle. Astrology just became an addiction, the zodiac an obsession, giving me a false assurance, something I could “rely” on -or so I thought. It came to the point where I could now identify other people’s star sign within just a minute of talking to them, or guess the rising sign of people I was more familiar with. Talk of occult knowledge…!.
Through an astrology website, I pulled up my natal chart but it was hard to make sense of it. Someone was going to connect me to a local medium who could interpret it for me but I chickened out, something in me was afraid to hear bad omens. I’m glad I never went!
All in all, my whole thinking evolved around this corrupt knowledge. I’d see and interpret life, events, things, people, and relationships through the filter of the zodiac. I was even “converting” people into astrology. All things esoteric were now becoming an interest: stone properties, numerology, palm reading, dream interpretation, etc. That was my world. I was buying the books and visiting those shops. I was searching for the truth and unbeknownst to me, the darkness of New Age had gotten me.
Witchcraft knocking at the door
At 21, I felt so empty. Ironically astrology and the other occult stuff only “helped” to an extent and I was still in my search for truth. I then found another one of those esoteric books at the market. I had picked it up randomly without checking the content.
As I opened the book at home, I felt uncomfortable. This, I thought, is a new level of the esoteric that I’m not used to. It looked like “real” stuff and I wasn’t sure I wanted to venture into this. The content caught my curiosity but I became scared. I knew this was exposing me to a different, deeper, and darker kind of knowledge. It was in fact, a book of actual witchcraft.
Sitting on my bed with this book open in front of me, I was facing a sort of lifetime decision to simply say yes or no to this… I just knew that getting into this would change something in my life, but I didn’t know what. I was afraid. By the grace of God, (not knowing He was at work), I chickened out once again. I closed the book and never opened it again. I got rid of it.
Forgiveness
Amazingly, within a week of refusing this invitation from the powers of darkness, I met the Christian who would pave my way to Christ.
It was 2004 and the Passion of the Christ had come out, so one of the first things we did when meeting up was to watch the movie. By then, I was hating anything religious but didn’t mind watching it due to its popularity – of course, I never wanted to miss out on anything! He patiently paused at every other scene and broke down the movie for me. I couldn’t comprehend much but I was appreciative of his explanations.
As I got to know my friend more, all his answers about everything always seemed right and wiser than other people. He had a different approach to life and had a peaceful countenance. But his approach was always from the Bible’s standpoint and it used to irritate me.
However one day, following some painful events, he spoke to me about my inability to forgive and God’s love. This pierced my heart – I couldn’t love! I didn’t know what true love was! I broke down in tears and my heart sank, shattered in pieces… it was even physically painful. I had to know God!
Now, a spiritual U-turn was taking place. My Christian journey had started… All the answers I was looking for, all this huge void I had in my soul, Jesus took care of it. Now I didn’t need the occult knowledge of astrology, I had something truer, better, and more sure to cling on to: the true light, the rock of Ages!
As years passed, unfortunately, due to not being grounded in solid biblical teaching, I had fallen back into astrology as a Christian for a time. Please see my post about this.
The Ultra Charismatic, Neo-Apostolic (NAR) years
I can’t pinpoint the day I fully committed to the Lord Jesus Christ as there were a series of events, but the Lord was at work. I started by following my friend to his choir practices on campus. From there on, I started to follow him to church.
Unknowingly, I was immediately immersed in an ultra-charismatic cult-like church from Nigeria. More specifically, it can be described as the Neo-Apostolic movement (some call it NAR – New Apostolic Reformation). Needless to say, I had no clue about any of this then. All I knew then about Christianity was the catholicism I ended up despising.
So, this was now a brand new, appealing Christianity to me. It looked dynamic, exciting, young, and everything different. With a sincere heart, I got myself fully committed, all out for Jesus, praising Him for what he had done for me. I was also proud to say and to prove that I was right about Catholicism – all the rigidity or folklore was useless and that you can worship God another way.
Now, I was also still a vulnerable and gullible young person. I was a student, away from family and due to intense family troubles, I was like without a family. Jesus saved me but there was a lot to learn. And as people showed me love, I wanted to trust them and this new church and learn everything I could.
I eventually stayed in this church for 10 years, seven of which a full-time staff in one of their “international offices”. The church was a branch of a Nigerian “global ministry” with its HQ in Nigeria and “international offices” around the world. The founder and leader was a Nigerian pastor – followers call him “the man of God”. (I do have to specify “Nigerian” as one has to understand the context and the state of Christianity and churches in Africa, notably Nigeria. This will be a subject for another article.)
Much has to be said about this system: power, money, control, glamour, and powers… culture was also a challenge. One could say it was a traumatic experience, and being able to survive this was a miracle. Therefore, I must acknowledge that, despite all the falseness, the Lord was in this. He had a purpose for me being there and He delivered me in his perfect timing.
The road to recovery
Now, to make the story short, being part of this ministry had become a spiritual bondage. The deeper the level of involvement, the slimmer the chances of quitting are. It even appears impossible, just like it is in a cult. Coming out of it physically is one thing, but coming out of it emotionally and spiritually is another thing. It took about seven years to admit what it was.
During those years of recovery, I have been attending a much more moderated Pentecostal (non-African) church. God used that time to heal my heart. I was involved, made friends, and also worked there for 1-2 years until around Covid happened. Everything seemed going well, however, I gradually felt uncomfortable but couldn’t tell why.
As it stands, the “ultimate recovery” hadn’t happened yet until the pandemic. Covid had a way to bring another U-turn. With everything going on, I did put myself in check and my faith, and Christianity as a whole – what is Christianity really about? What do I truly believe in? And how will I stand before God one day, in the light of everything going on? I was thirsty for God as always, but now from a new, serious, daunting angle…
Well, the first thing the Lord asked me to do was to completely come off the highly addictive, distracting, and time-consuming Facebook account. Social media has become a disaster during the pandemic! And now God had my attention.
So I read a book that has been sitting on my shelf and what about to change a great deal: The Heavenly Man, by Brother Yun. It changed my perception of Christianity, a true watershed moment!
Next, the Lord opened my spiritual understanding. I started devouring my Bible and he graced me with a brand new understanding. I could read on and on, morning and night, it was easy and made so much sense. A veil was taken out of my spiritual eyes and it was like understanding what it truly is about!
Reformed theology
God launched a system reset in my heart, mind, and soul! I had to (re)discover the Bible, the Lord, and the Sovereignty of God.
For the following 2-3 years, through studying the Bible and with the help of other resources, the Lord caused me to do a U-turn in all my Christian belief system: spiritual matters were settled, confusion cleared off, strongholds and walls of false teachings had to come down… the Lord also granted me repentance about many things. I had so much peace.
As a result of this, it became clear what kind of gospel I had been listening to for many years. In a nutshell, I moved from the Pentecostal and Charismatic, Word of Faith, Neo-Apostolic (NAR) gospel to Reformed theology. I moved on from the Christianity of being in full control of his destiny to a God Sovereign over all things.
Interestingly, I didn’t look for Reformed teachings. I didn’t pick or choose “Reformed” from a selection of alternative Christian teachings and thought “This looks great”. I was only seeking God and desired to understand His Word. It naturally happened that my new understanding of the Bible just simply lined up with the Reformed teachings. I didn’t even know what Reformed meant until I heard it from solid Bible teachers and theologians who happened to be Reformed!
New provisions from God
Needless to say, by the time I embraced solid theology, it had become really difficult to keep listening to feel-good, self-centered, experience-based Pentecostal preaching on Sundays in church. I came to terms that I was attending a Pentecostal church, even though it never said it was. It never said anything actually, and their statement of faith was vague.
I was facing a real inner struggle now, I loved the people but I was strongly grieving over several (irreverent) things, including the Sunday preaching and teaching – or the lack thereof… Although I knew deep within that it was the Lord moving me in a new direction, I needed this reassurance that I wasn’t going on the wrong route.
Lo and behold, just as I needed it, the Lord granted me to (unexpectedly) connect with some Christians online and be part of an online reformed bible school. I needed to hear sound doctrine and here it was! The Lord has provided.
With such conviction within, I had to make the hard decision to stop attending this church for the time being. By His grace, the Lord has made provision for me with a reformed church, preaching and teaching sound doctrine, just 5 min away from where I live!
I am still on a journey and I believe another provision from the Lord is the opportunity to start this blog. Not only it is a therapeutic way for me to lay it all out, but also a way of reaching others. There’s a need now in the church to address spiritual abuse and for children of God to get educated in God’s word and grow in discernment. God knows how much I surfed through the internet to make sense of the Bible and come out of deception! So if this blog can help turn away anyone from darkness into God’s light, through sound doctrine, none of this story was in vain, and all the glory be to Him, our Lord Jesus Christ.
Please check my other post on Why this blog for more thoughts on my reasons for starting this blog.
